The Grim, The Glow, & The Grit
I am just a woman who once lost a job. This life changing event is not uncommon and it does not have to define you or your capabilities. I was once reading one of my favorite childhood stories to my daughter, The Little Engine That Could. It was in that moment I began to cry, but this time after months of soul searching, much prayer, therapy, sisterfriend meetings, and workouts I had a revelation. Personally, my spirituality has always been my compass in life but during this job loss, I had honestly lost my way. I became angry at God, angry at individuals in my life. It was in that moment of reading to my daughter I realized that I teach her the idea of having GRIT but how do I prepare her for the GRIM that comes before the GLOW?
The Grim
During job loss you go through so many different emotions. Here are a few tips on how to cope:
1. Acknowledge these emotions then MOVE ON.
This could be you seeking a support system. If you do not have one that is okay too. I found some of my greatest progress was when I would be at home worshiping God myself. I worked out by myself. I cried by myself. I shopped by myself. I took a few road trips by myself. It is okay sometimes not to be okay! I encourage you to dive into these emotions even ones you may never thought you had.
2. Get your Finances and House in ORDER
You could have taking a big financial hit. Create and develop a new budget. It is okay to seek help from your local banker or a financial analyst. You may have to drawback on some of those pleasurable things you once enjoyed just until you have found a healthy balance for yourself and your household. Here is a link to a financial budget spreadsheet I use:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0ByimT3D8sFNqSGsyUHF0bzIyN0JZNGFUTFY4VXVITkphLXFJ/view?usp=sharing
This process may take longer than you would like, for me it took about 14 months. Do not beat yourself up about it.
3. Share Your Story and Prepare for the Next Phase of Life
This part was honestly the hardest for me. I moved back to a town I grew up in and all I kept hearing was “Why you come back? What happened to her?” What was so interesting to me was these were the same people that were cheering me on when I graduated and saying they were so happy for me. First I would encourage you all to let these “corner” people not get into your head. You are welcome to answer their questions, but baby you don’t owe anyone an explanation. If you choose to discuss your job loss, I believe transparency is the way to go. Preparing for the next phase of life could require you to share your story. You may be in an interview and they asked tell me about your last job experience. My response “It was a great learning experience, but I learned the importance of understanding a company’s culture and the importance of fit. I enjoyed my time with my former employer but I am looking forward to my future endeavors.
The Glow
You get that new opportunity and it feels better than what was loss.
1. Humility
This word seems so simple but so complex. Honestly, my entire job loss experience has probably been the most humbling experience ever. I am not sure how to explain this concept without directing this back to my spirituality. When I think about Jesus Christ, for those who do not know him, I would encourage you to get to know him. In John 4:34, it shows us how as an adult, Jesus showed humility by giving priority to the doing of Jehovah’s will, not his own. I believe once you realize that your job/career is not about you but it was given to you from a higher power and that is who you are serving and totally remove yourself from the situation it humbles you.
2. Personal Development
As the old saying goes “It takes money to make money”. It may seem a bit counterintuitive to spend money when you may/may not be making what you once were, BUT I think you owe it to yourself to invest in that DREAM and VISION and do something you have never done but have wanted to do. For me, this was launching this website and pursuing my consulting business FULL TIME! What will you do?
3. Be Futuristic
What you focus on expands, so focus on what you want, not on what you don’t. It’s easy to get stuck in the past and what shoulda-coulda-woulda happened, but didn't. Doing so only perpetuates destructive emotions that fuel anger, self-pity and a sense of powerlessness. Focus on the future, and on what you need to do to set yourself up as well as possible on the job front, in how you are budgeting your money, and in your relationship with those who can help you find a new job. DO NOT LET YOUR JOB LOSS OR STATUS DEFINE YOU! For me, I accepted two new job positions with four salary increases. I do not share this to brag but only share the possibilities and opportunities are endless as long as you focus on what is in front of you!
The GRIT
Grit can be defined as perseverance and passion for long term goals. Five characteristics of grit are courage, conscientiousness, endurance, resilience, and understanding excellence vs. perfection.
1. Maintaining a growth mindset
This idea of a growth mindset was popularized by a researcher at Stanford University-Carol Dweck. It is the idea growth of people having an underlying belief that their learning and intelligence can grow with time and experience. When people believe they can get smarter, they realize that their effort has an effect on their success, so they put in extra time, leading to higher achievement. I actually lectured about this a few weeks ago in the class I teach to help students develop better academic strategies to help them stay in college and ultimately graduate. I shared with them one of my favorite TEDTalks check this out https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance
Grit has helped me by emphasizing the importance of resilience and to know that my level of intelligence will continue to grow. I am in a new position with new responsibilities. Each day, I am trying to learn something and push myself out of my comfort zone. I encourage you to explore this idea of discomfort and see how much further you may grow.
As I wrap things up, it reminds me of that Little Engine That Could who told herself “I think I can I think I can” and how she achieved that goal of getting those toys and treats for all those young children over that hill because she “thought she could, thought she could”. Just as that Little Engine ACHIEVED so can you! Please remember that though there are failures there can also be triumphs. Control what you can control and enjoy this ride of life! If you’re needing someone to talk to contact me! Remember you can ACHIEVE more with CHIEVOUS!
One
Jazzie
